Friday, 23 July 2010

A tale of too much, way too much .......and probably too long, but it has clockwork fairies!

This is a short tale of woe about the internet, pay-pale, wargamers and too much sugar and caffeine

I have recently been banging on on about my Mindens SYW Miniatures and painting, and this, and that, and probably the other as well (yes a deliberate use of commas). This week I had promised myself a few days to knock over some of the backlog of AB Napoleonic figures (which one should do if they have such a backlog). Occasionally while I was waiting for paint to dry on the AB's I would spend a bit of time on my white undercoat painting, trying things out as it were. Come Wednesday painting Napoleonic French was starting to get on my tits and I was thoroughly sick of the site of the sight of them, at the same time I was quite happy with the way the white undercoat painting had progressed on some Frontrank SYW Frenchy test pieces. far all pretty standard paint bench stuff, huh?

Well they say a change is as good as a rest, and taking into account the details described so far the Minden SYW figures looked as fair a proposition as anything waiting in the painting queue to offer a break from Napoleon lads, and before you could say S-car-go under the brush they went. It was hard going at first but as She who must be restrained says "take your time" :-/  Well it wasn't long and I got into a bit of a rhythm (nothing to do with Mrs PP we are back onto painting now) and things were progressing nicely, so nicely I thought I would get the next order in.

.....but first what do we know about wargamers?

I have learned from bitter experience that wargamers will usually purchase approximately 356.8% (seasonally adjusted) more figures than they need, or can really paint before they lose interest for a bit (a bit = 8 days to 10 years on the trade weighted wargamer average), but not me, I'm disciplined (yeah right).  I have a rule see, knowing that I have the attention span of a gnatt I try to limit myself to only buying what I could reasonably expect to paint before another shiny object appears. Vague yes, but when adhered to very effective, remember I have the attention span of a small insect. where was I, uh mmbl umm, got it, ok.

So having decided that this first batch of French SYW chappies would just about be ready steady finished by the time a new batch arrived I duly jumped onto the compubulator and internetted the next battalion.  See, only buying one battalion at a time, there's no chance of me adding to the lead mine when interest starts to wane, except (oh ohh, here we go Jungo) I was starting to get a little annoyed with painting white (or a colour near enough to it) so I ordered some Prussians (a battalions worth) as well, some nice blue Prussian uniforms would make for a welcome break. Sure it sounds innocent enough but that was the start of a very slippery slope. Fortified by extra sweet, extra strong coffee. I thought I might stay up and browse a while longer.

.........oops time for another quick aside and coffee.

Some years ago now I purchased a novel of what is now known as the steampunk genre (it was sci fi when I bought it) by China Mievelle entitled Perdido Street Station. It was full of impossible yet commonplace contraptions and people. I had often thought this book and the two follow ups would be a fantastic source for wargame miniatures and machines.

.......back to my tale, "pass the coffee pot, need more beans"

I had been rereading this Perdido book just recently and while out there serf-ing the miniature manufacturers I thought I might goggle (steampunk pun) Steampunk and Wargames to see what could be found miniature wise. Well one thing led to another as it does and before I knew it I found I had ordered, seriously, some clockwork fairies, yep that's right, clockwork fairies have a look for yourselves (link), and one or two other things from Freebooter. Now what started out innocently enough as another of my well disciplined shopping expeditions for some SYW French was now, some how, becoming derailed.

But did it stop there, surely just the name clockwork fairies is enough to snap anyone out of their internet spending mania, normal people maybe, but not those doped up to the eyeballs with sugar, caffeine and the rush of retail therapy.  With coffee strong enough to melt the your Nan's shiny PVC catsuit  in one hand and a credit card cursed by the retail devil herself in the other I dove headlong in an out of control online spending frenzy. Hey I really liked that hard plastic roman legionary I wonder what else Warlord Games has. I'm now the proud owner of a Roman army, not a set, an army! Then there is the.... no I don't think I should mention anything about errr or eeek or..... lets just leave it there shall we.

So what happened, where did I go wrong? Do I blame pay-pale, a clean credit card, surely I'm not to blame (ahem). The court room media reports tell us daily that we no longer have to be responsible for our own actions, blame someone else and sue them, but deep down we all know that's bullshit. It was  none of those things, I simply needed a responsible adult to hold my hand ;-) while I was shopping on line as obviously none were present at the time.

There you have it, years of retail discipline shattered in only a few hours. I'm not even certain of what will turn up over the next week or two. Oh cheer up Paintpig at least there will be some nice surprises in store for you (gulp) and she who must be restrained. This little piggies going to pay when Mrs Paintpig catches wind of my night of excess and turns a whiter shade of pale........ we skipped the light fandango..... oops! 

On the brighter side It's going to be like Christmas, sure there will be the slight sting of "yes darling right away darling" for a while, but I can deal. 

Bet you don't have any beautiful clockwork fairies, hehehe. Next I need an steam powered air ship, a unit of foot guard in busbies on armoured bicycles........blah ......blah ......blah

If only I could get to sleep 8-]


  1. Man, my internet was down for several hours, and just now came back on - and this is the first thing I'm reading!?! - I'm dizzy - now I need another drink...

    If you have time, please post a summarized, shorter version. Or at least an outline. :) Dean

  2. Muahahahaaaaaa

    Wargaming men should not use the internet to buy figures unless accompanied by an adult.


  3. That's kind of what I thought - and it's a lesson I've learned before (& still forget sometimes). I think you may have stimulated the economy better than any government could, though. Dean

  4. LOL

    ......and I am the proud new owner of clockwork fairies, not everyone can say that!


  5. Your story seems to be an example of reasonable and really very charitable behavior to me. I salute you sir.

    By your selfless acts of retail philanthropy the world will not be burdened with yet another starving model sculptor or the shuttering of a miniatures company. You have staved off the encroachment of darkness yet again by skillfully wielding your mighty credit card of justice.

    (I'll be picking up a Warlord Roman army when the Architects of War website goes live so I need you to pose the same drivel on my blog to try and appease the wife!)


  6. At last a gentleman who knows the true worth of retail philanthropy (I doff to you sir) or as it is known by sharp dressed business consultancy specialist and trainers, a win win scenario.

    I think I could be stopping by AoW myself if I can manage to find all the bits of the card.

    Drivel is as drivel does, I can drivel anywhere any time.

    At least I'll be out of range (ie on the boat) tomorrow so I wont be subjected to Mrs PP's piercing glare and I'll back up by cooking her a nice lamb roast for sunday lunch


  7. I'll be crewing on a log canoe Saturday during the races - there is nothing better than being out on the water

    Of course we did to flip over frequently as the day goes on and the beer supply dwindles. I wonder what could be the cause?


  8. shiny metal syndrome is a medical fact :) or hard plastic syndrome now a days. I tried a 12 mth figure ban to work on my lead mountain lasted 3 months.

    peace James

  9. Agreed James

    At first it seemed only related to shiney object aka white metal figures. It has only been in the last few years, since the introduction of hard plastic figures, have medical experts had to reconsider this position.
    All the old hypothesis have been completey turned over and it now seems to be either based around a gender or mental discipline/authoritah condition. I have a sneaking suspicion it is a cimbination of both. Will lobby parliament for grant funding to buy more figures whislt undergoing brain scanning ;-)


Good, bad or otherwise I love to hear what you think..... mostly